This has been a trying month, so to speak. I've been worried about a lady I worked with, with whom I had become fond of (as friends). She has always been a good friend to me; very gentle and loving in her nature and never had anything bad to say about anyone. While I can't really go into detail (because I'm not privy to those) I can say that she is no longer with the company and civil charges, I guess, are being brought against her as well as (I think) criminal charges. It's all about money they say. Bottom line is, I'm having a hard time believing she could be capable of what she's accused of having done. I'm not saying she didn't do it; I wouldn't have any way of knowing whether she did or didn't. Just that it strikes me as so "out of character" for who I thought she was. And it's upsetting because it either (i) represents a grave misjudgment of character on my part as to who this person really is, or (ii) a vast miscarriage of justice against her.
The former I can learn to live with; the latter I find to be really disturbing. So, that is part of why I've been stressing.
Another reason is that somebody I care a lot about will be going in for surgery later this morning and I won't rest easy until I know that operation has definitely gone as well as I hope (and pray and expect) it will. He's a close friend and someone I've come to think of more like a member of my family. There are a couple of you who fall in that category, I suppose; I think you know who you are. (c: ..so I'll be awaiting word from either him or his boyfriend that all went well.
Now, the other thing that's been on my mind... weellll, that's more personal.
As all of my friends are already aware, I had been diagnosed with cancer late last year. Took four months off from work to undergo treatment in the form of chemotherapy from mid-November up until March 12th of this year. (You do NOT want to have to go through that if you can help it, trust me!) That's kind of the reason for this blog entry tonight.
The treatment was successful and I went into remission. That said, I am very careful to try and "listen" to my body. The early signs of my cancer (as it turns out) were in the form of minor back pain which gradually grew more and more painful, until it was eventually too much for me to ignore. That was when the cancer was discovered and (until it was under control) I had to go on narcotics for the pain. I didn't like those either! They make you feel "out of control" - fuzzy minded.
Anyway, I had taken a week off last month to travel back to New Mexico to help Mom go through a number of things in preparation for an [eventual] move to a new home, including sorting through and tossing a BUNCH of stuff from Dad's shop building.
While I was there I basically did a lot of heavy work I wasn't accustomed to doing, what with having been taking it easy during my cancer therapy ...AND I cracked a rib when I slipped in the bathtub. Don't laugh! LOL!!! My back began to ache ... and I began to get very antsy about the backaches. After all, this was one of the early symptoms of the Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (cancer) late last year. My mind went to, "please don't let it be cancer ... again ... so soon after having gone into remission!" So I began to worry about that, as well. I had CT scans a few weeks back but wouldn't get the results until I saw my oncologist ... which was today. I was preparing myself for the worst but hoping for the best.
As it turns out, I got a clean bill of health. (Of course, I had to listen to some crack about having had another birthday and that THAT was the real reason, most likely, for my backaches --- especially in light of having overdone it this past month. Whatever! LOL!!!) The CT scans, according to my oncologist came back clear and that's all that was important to me.
Then I asked him to take a look at a picture I had printed, which had been taken of my initial CT scans last year when I was diagnosed with the cancer (below).
I wanted to know if I was interpreting what I was looking at correctly. If all of the dark areas in the scans, save for the area I believed to be my bladder (circled in red, above), were in fact the cancer. He confirmed my suspicions, saying that I had had a lot of "diseased tissue" (cancer). Um, I think I'm kind of happy I did NOT know just how extensive the cancer was at that time. I mean, I knew I had cancer - and I OBVIOUSLY knew I was in pain because of it - but I also knew I'd get well again and beat the deadly bastard (cancer). If I'd consciously known, by having seen what is shown above, just how widespread the cancer was - I don't know if I'd have been able to keep as positive an outlook about it as I did.
But all is well [still]... I'm thankful for that!
Now, I just want to hear that my friend's surgery has gone as well as I expect it to and that he is safely back home recovering! I think the world of that young man. He's a good kid and... well, I could go on and on and on about several close friends I've made here. Just suffice it to say, "good friends are a precious commodity. Never, ever take them for granted and always let them know you love them."
With much love, peace and loads of hugs,
Michael
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