Saturday, February 20, 2010
Today’s entry isn’t upbeat; it isn’t even about a topic that’s easy to talk about. It is, however in response to some of the bullshit I occasionally read over on the Topix website.
One might ask, “Well, then why go to that site? Why subject yourself to such comments and messages of hate?” The answer, for the same reasons I always have. To call such people on their crap and serve as a voice of reason among a wilderness of homophobes, bigotry and racism; in short, prejudice.
As a 46-year-old gay man I haven’t seen it all but I’ve experienced enough of life to know it’s certainly not always bright and shiny, or even fair. Sometimes life is nothing short of cruel and ugly.
Does that make it any less precious or less deserving of the effort it sometimes takes to get up in the morning? No!
Today’s entry is in reaction to the baseless claims by those bigots who say that homosexuals are a danger to our communities. Some claim we are all pedophiles at heart (bullshit!) and there are those who think we’re predisposed to be killers; mass murderers. I’ll not respond to the latter, save to provide you with a list of mass murderers and serial killers who were/are straight (see below).
Heterosexual mass murderers and serial killers:
- Adolf Hitler
- Ahmad Suradji (42)
- Albert DeSalvo
- Andrei Chikatilo (52+)
- Anatoly Onoprienko (52)
- Anthony Sowell (Cleveland, currently under arrest – 11 female bodies found in and around his house)
- Bruno Ludke (80)
- Carlton Grey
- Charles Manson (married Rosalie Jean Willis)
- Danny Harold Rolling
- David Berkowitz “Son of Sam”
- Douglas Clark “The Sunset Strip Slayer”
- Ed Gein
- Eric Elliot & Lewis Gilbert
- George Putt
- Gerald Eugene Stano (41)
- Gerald Gallego
- Gilles de Rais (140+)
- Green River killer Gary Ridgway
- Henry Lee Lucas & Ottis Toole (6-200+)
- H. H. Holmes (200+) (“murder castle” mansion where women were tortured and gassed; married thrice; born Herman Webster Mudgett)
- Hubert Harolds
- Hu Wanlin (100+)
- Idi Amin (Ugandian dictator, admired Adolf Hitler, married SIX times, stabbed corpses and sucked blood)
- Jack the Ripper
- Javed Iqbal (100)
- Kevin Haley
- Lawrence Bittaker, Roy Norris and their “Murder Mac”
- Luis Alfredo Gavarito (140)
- Michael Swango (60 +/-)
- Moses Sithole (38+)
- Paul John Knowles
- Pedro Alonso Lopez (300+) deadliest serial killer of Archives; known as “Monster of the Andes”
- Pee Wee Gaskins (100+)
- Randy Woodfield
- Richard “Iceman” Kuklinski (40+)
- Saddam Hussein (married twice, gassed entire cities, ran concentration camps/torture centers)
- Stalin (WWII leader, starved peasants and conducted mass purges, married twice)
- Ted Bundy
- The Zodiac Murder
- Richard Cottingham
- Harrison Graham
- William Heirens
- William Suff
As for pedophiles, predators of children are just that; predators. I’m not absolving them of their crimes. They’re sick bastards and they are to be loathed but it isn’t the predator’s sexuality that motivates him or her to abuse children. Granted, I’ve no training in psychology but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that, just as a rapist’s crime is all about power and control so too is a pedophile’s. It takes a lack of compassion, of love for humanity and a sick, selfish mindset for a beast to unleash his or her anger and predatory nature on another person. “Do some predators identify as homosexual?” Sadly, yes; our community is not safe from such self-interested fucks, no less or more so than the heterosexual community is.
The surprising thing is a number of studies seem to support there are more (percentage wise) pedophiles who identify as heterosexual then there are those who identify as gay or bisexual. In my opinion, it’s a moot point. A pedophile’s sexual orientation is not the crime; rather, their willingness to force others to do their bidding against their will is. Moreover, were I to get my wish, all pedophiles would have their nuts cut off or (if female) their va-jay-jay’s sewn shut. (FWIW, I feel the same way about rapists.)
Why do I have such strong opinions about this? Was I ever molested as a child?
The answer to the last question is simply, “no.” It’s true that there was a time that I apparently came very close to being molested and killed as a kid of four (by a total stranger whose car I was about to step into). I would have been a statistic had a neighbor who babysat me not demanded my attention and coaxed me to step away from the vehicle and go to her instead. At least, that’s the story Mom tells me. Apparently, the following morning the body of a young boy was found, having been molested, killed and dumped in a dumpster down the block from the apartment complex that we lived in.
I came close to being a victim but no, I myself have never been abused as a child.
My close call with abuse and death isn’t even a factor in why I feel so strongly about the matter. My feelings are simply the consequence of my concern for the well-being of our world’s children. Kids should have the opportunity to enjoy their childhood and shouldn’t be screwed up because some fucked-up adult just wants to prove he’s a man (or she’s a woman) by exercising control over a defenseless child. ALL adults should have nothing but the best-interests of a child at heart!
Because of my own feelings about pedophiles, I DETEST the existence of the groups NAMBLA and NAMGLA. (NAMBLA stands for “North American Man/Boy Love Association” and NAMGLA, of course, is short for “North American Man/Girl Love Association”.)
It honestly escapes ANY measure of understanding, on my part as to how such organizations can even exist. Simply by their organization’s names, it’s clear that they cater to the whims of adult males whose ONLY interest is in taking advantage of underage children. Why oh why oh why oh why hasn’t our government taken a firmer stance against these people? Why ARE they allowed to exist when everything that they stand for is representative of an act that is “against the law”?! I just do not understand…
NAMBLA is also a “black eye” for the gay community, not because our own sexual orientation makes “us” pedophiles but because our detractors just love to make the argument that, because the organization is all about men with boys it is a gay thing. It isn’t; it’s a “PEDOPHILE” thing! Saying that is like saying a rapist is a rapist because he’s gay or straight; no, he’s just a fucking rapist. Pedophiles are pedophiles. Murderers are murderers. And gang-bangers are thugs.
Don’t think for a moment that because I’m gay I’m a pedophile.
I’ll do my damnedest to help gay youth get through the struggles they face, as they come to terms with their own sexual orientations and go out into the world but I don’t encourage relations between minors and adults. Never have and never will.
It somehow seems out of place to end this blog with “Namaste” but since I know that those who follow my blogs, as a general rule ARE honorable and loving and just “good people”…
- Serial Killers (Page presented as a list of Homosexual Serial Killers, including Lesbians and Bisexuals. Again, I am hesitant to present anything that can be construed as associating a person’s propensity for becoming a killer with his or her sexual orientation – but this site came up on a Google search and is provided for your reference)
- Anna Koren Graphology Center Ltd. (An interesting page which provides a breakdown/statistics of serial killers by region, race, gender, age and sexual orientation. Again, I can’t speak as to the accuracy of same as I don’t know anything about their research. For reference.)
- Serial Killer Hit List – Part 1 (For reference)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
It’s ridiculous to assume that a marriage between two people of the same gender would be any different than a marriage between a man and a woman. For starters all marriages are made possible only when there exists an atmosphere of love, honor, respect, trust and desire between the two parties.
Far too many conservatives believe the unions between two gay men or two women are different than those of heterosexuals; they question whether such relationships are as loving or committed or filled with the same passion, as compared to that which might exist between a man and a woman. They could not be more wrong.
As a gay man, I’m not saying our relationships are any better than those in the straight community (but they aren’t any worse either).
If you believe a marriage between two persons of the same sex is any less of a union just because THEY do not exemplify what you think a wedding party should look like, how is that any different than the opinions of those who came before who opposed interracial marriages? And these claims by some of our opponents, that the sole ‘purpose’ of marriage is for procreation is just bunk! I mean, what about all of those straight couples who are unable to have children of their own? Are their marriages any less valid just because the bride is barren or the groom is sterile? I think not. And should they really want to introduce children into the mix, they’ve the same options available to them as same-sex couples have (adoption and/or surrogacy).
Perhaps it is safe to say that ALL MARRIAGES are somehow different; that no two are exactly alike and leave it at that.
To those couples who oppose marriage between persons of the same sex, I have but one question. “Why is it of such consequence to you, what may or may not be taking place within the secular unions of other couples? Is your own marriage so fragile and at-risk that it is not unlike a simple issue of company stock? Is it any more or less valuable, depending upon the formation and/or existence of another’s union?” Because seriously, IF that is the case than the union between you and your spouse, of which you place such a tremendous level of pride could not have possibly been all that secure in the first place (just think about it).
Some argue that, through our fight to secure the right to marry we “are attacking a sacred and holy institution.” That’s such a load of bullshit! None of us is driven to marry because we want to feel as though we’ve stuck it to the church and to make such a ridiculous claim is ludicrous.
We just want to follow in the footsteps of our parents and take our own loving relationships to the next level. For somebody to question our motives for wanting to marry our loved one is no less insulting than it would be for someone to question a straight couple’s motives for marrying their partner.
For those who feel we should call our unions something besides marriage, “Why?” The institution of marriage (regardless of what you may believe) is a SECULAR institution and for the vast majority of us it is the SECULAR protections and rights that we seek. True, some couples may wish to be married within a faith-based institution —- but that is an issue between them and whatever church they would like to have conducting the ceremony (and for what it’s worth, I believe churches should have the ability to refuse such a ceremony). We aren’t trying to force anything on the churches. We’re simply trying to get the nation to move past the prejudice that has served as the framework of a wall that has prohibited same-sex couples from enjoying the same 1,138 SECULAR rights, responsibilities and benefits as all other [opposite-sex] couples have enjoyed for years now.
In closing, the union (“Marriage”) itself is SECULAR by nature; nothing more, nothing less!
- U.S. General Accounting Office (Govt. report listing all 1,138 federal statutory provisions in which marital status is a factor in determining or receiving benefits, rights, and privileges. PDF)
- NOLO Legal Solutions (Marriage Rights and Benefits)
- The Outskirts (Saints’ Scott Fujita is pro-gay rights)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
It isn’t the smell of “va-jay-jay” that prevents me from being straight; I’ve never smelled one (and have no interest in doing so I might add). *laughs* In another post I began to explain why I bat for the home team. I’d like to expand on that a little in this post.
It so happens that another gay man posting in Topix was describing how he’d had sex with a woman once, hoping it would “cure” him. He’d thought, as many who struggle with self-acceptance do, that the “problem” (his words, not mine) might just be that he’d never tried it — so he stood at the plate and took the proverbial swing with his bat. “HEeyyyyy batter, batter!" ;-)
He didn’t see stars folks… Sure, he made the run around the field after getting a hit but the excitement wasn’t there. His thoughts after it was all over were “this is it????“
For a homosexual that’s really it folks. Sure, we might be able to spill our seed (maybe!) but there just isn’t anywhere else to go from there. No stars, no revelations, no lasting (if there was ever any in the first place) attraction for the person we just bedded. We just don’t react to the opposite sex the same as a heterosexual does.
(Don’t get me wrong; bisexuals are capable of being turned on by either gender but I’m talking about your standard, run-of-the-mill gay guy like myself right now.)
fed up writes
..thanks for your honesty and effort to take one for the team. there would be no way ever on earth i could do what you did in reverse, sorry bro but i’d rather not “give it a try”. as for the ladies smell i was referring to the light air of a perfume or lotion they wear. lmao, but i know where you were going with that one.. [snipped for brevity]
I commend this person for his candor and his honesty. Most who take exception with homosexuality and believe it’s a “choice” are unwilling to admit their inability to make such a choice were the shoe on the other foot. This guy does; he clearly states he’d rather “not give it a try.” I don’t take that as a back-handed slap but simply as a heterosexual guy admitting he couldn’t “choose” to be gay; the concept of choice (regarding one’s sexual orientation) isn’t valid, people.
Often is the case (maybe when we’re out of our comfort zone) where we joke about the smell of va-jay-jay but I don’t find women repugnant and I don’t believe they all have smelly twats. I can well-appreciate a beautiful woman for her beauty; I’m just not turned on or attracted to them in a sexual way.
Maybe it’s best to just say that I don’t have the hormonal reaction to women that straight men do (and I never have). In all fairness, straight men don’t have the hormonal reaction to other men that I do.
Moreover, my reaction to a specific person isn’t because of what I might think the sex could possibly be like with him; it goes deeper than the physical attraction. (The possibility of bodily friction is just a bit of frosting on the cake, is all. “HEyyy batter, batter!”)
I’m a big time face guy! You don’t have to have a beautiful or even a chiseled face but the face IS [usually] the first thing I look at on a guy. If he passes muster and has kind, sensitive eyes; the kind of which are reminiscent of an old, caring soul I’ll definitely begin to pay closer attention to the rest of the package.
But the reverse is also true… If I’ve begun [looking] at all the rest of him, only to find he’s got cold or distrustful eyes “it is all over!” Eyes are the windows of the soul. I won’t expend effort on a guy if I’m convinced I can’t trust him because of what I see in his eyes.(Been there, done that — put in almost seven years with a guy who made me feel like total crap and I never want to go down that road again if I can help it.)
In closing, I don’t believe a homosexual (someone whose ONLY attraction, as measured on the Kinsey scale is to a member of the same sex) can have the same hormonal reaction to someone of the opposite sex.
But that’s me… I want to hear what others are thinking!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Okay, so the title for this journal entry is misleading (because in truth, what I’m talking about … I didn’t “choose.”)
Many of those who have issues with homosexuality believe we made a “choice” to be gay. I’ve heard it a thousand times and to be perfectly honest, I don’t know how best to confront such (imo) misperceptions. My first reaction is always to ask if they “made a choice to be straight.” That question is usually met with a long pause, followed by, “Well, no, I’m just normal” (as if what I am is an aberration.) I’ll press the issue, asking if they could ever see themselves choosing to sleep with someone of the same sex. Every honest response is likely to be no but on occasion I’ll get the “yeah, if I wanted to!” (When given the latter response, I believe they’re either lying to me or to themselves. I’ve NEVER known a straight person who could get past the “ick factor” they usually feel about sex with someone of the same gender.)
So for me it isn’t a “choice” to be gay; it’s just what I am.
I grew up as part of a loving family with a mother, father and brother. We attended church most Sundays and on religious holidays. There wasn’t any abuse in the home, physical or otherwise. Dad was present and involved with us kids, as was Mom. Neither were overbearing but we didn’t lack for discipline if and when it was called for either.
I guess what I’m trying to explain is I don’t really believe my home-life, growing up, was any different than most other kids.
However, I knew from an early age (probably by the time I was twelve or 13-years-old) that I was different than most boys my age. I was attracted to the guys while they began to shows signs of an attraction for the girls. It wasn’t something I made a choice about; it just “was.” In fact, the ONLY choice I feel I’ve ever made regarding this was just deciding to accept my sexual orientation for what it is; normal/innate (for me).
There are many who argue homosexuality is simply a choice. Some use bisexuals as an example but I can’t relate to that because “bisexuality” doesn’t apply to me. I’ve NEVER been attracted to the opposite sex like straight men are and more importantly, I don’t believe I could ever “force” myself TO BE attracted to a female as I am to a male.
The thought of having sex with a woman doesn’t make me sick but neither does it make my heart race and my dick get hard (I couldn’t get an erection, thinking about a woman if my life depended upon it!)
What’s more, I don’t think a guy who is really “straight” could get an erection thinking about having sex with another guy. Meh! Sure, the “gay for pay” porn stars who identify as straight do but perhaps those “straight” men in the gay adult industry are, in truth “bisexual.” And in that case, under those circumstances I guess THEY are making a choice.
As for myself (being gay), I didn’t and do not believe I ever could make such a choice. The attraction [to women] just isn’t and never has been an option for me.
I hear it all the time… People say, “I just don’t get it; why would you ‘choose’ to be gay? Why AREN’T you interested in women? Have you ever tried it? You know, you might like it if you tried just once.” Then there are those who take it a step further, making crude comparisons between the orifices of a man and a women.
(Like I really want to hear about va-jay-jay!)
Here’s an example; this is what somebody on Topix wrote earlier today:
fed up writes:
..if you wanna bang a hairy guys @ss why not join our team and bang a woman’s it would be the same thing right? same spot, same feeling, just a nice smooth hairless hot woman though, oh yeah and i’m sure she smells better.lmao.
Well, being gay isn’t about wanting to “bang a hairy guys ass” (and just why is it that people are so preoccupied with what we might or might not be doing in the bedroom anyway?)
My sexual orientation is defined by the gender of the person to whom I am attracted, that much is true but it certainly does NOT mean I’m gay only because I’m fixated on a guy’s backside. (To be completely honest, if the only thing that makes one straight is his obsession with a particular part of a woman’s body — well then, I feel sorry for that person.)
There are any number of ways in which a man differs from a woman; not all of those are “physical.”
Certainly, there are men who share some of the same qualities as are most often found in women, and the same is true of some women who share characteristics and attitudes not dissimilar to a lot of men. But all in all there’s a given assumption most men look and behave one way and most women, another.
The differences between the sexes in the gay community are no different than those exhibited by heterosexuals and stereotypes are just that; stereotypes. Such generalizations do not apply to each and every GLBTQ person, just the same as not every straight person looks and acts the same.
The vast majority of GLBTQ persons pass for straight until and unless we are, for whatever the reason ASKED about our orientation (or willingly just choose to express it).
In response to fed up, if my ONLY DESIRE were to bang a piece of ass then I suppose I could be as happy with a woman’s [ass] as much as a man’s… but it goes so much further than this. My attraction isn’t just about cranking out a load of jism during the act of some hot, sweaty sex. Some of my best friends are both straight AND women, and they hold no attraction for me, emotionally OR sexually.
No, only a man is going to be able to do that for me — and believe it or not, it won’t be just “any” man. It isn’t about his ass and it isn’t about the size of a guy’s cock; it’s about the total package. Am I attracted to him physically, mentally and emotionally?
Since women are obviously built differently, behave differently and are CLEARLY different, emotionally… Well, are you beginning to get the idea? It’s not only about the sex; it never has been.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The world needs more children who are willing to stand up (or “sit down” as is the case in West Fork, Arkansas) against prejudice when they see it.
Will Phillips refuses to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in his classroom until, in his own words liberty and justice exists for all persons. He points to the fact that gays and lesbians cannot marry and that racism and sexism is still very much a reality in our country.
Watch the video and form your own opinion of the young lad. He is well-spoken, mature beyond his years in some respects and has the conviction to stand up for what he believes.
Okay, so maybe he allowed his frustration to get the better of him (after being pressed for several days to recite the pledge) when he told the substitute teacher she could “go jump off a bridge” — but he said it with style. (Again, watch the video. LOL)
As you can imagine this is getting a lot of airplay in the media and people on both sides of the marriage equality issue are speaking out. What follows is a comment that was made over on the Topix conversation board earlier this week.
Stupid Topic (that’s the name he posted under) writes:
“So is this 10 year old to be applauded for his/her actions?
Big freaking deal…”
Will Phillips is to be applauded for all of the following:
- Setting aside the argument that he is well-read and intelligent (having earned the right to skip the 4th grade entirely), this young man is willing and unafraid to speak out for what he believes in, with little to no concern given to whether it’ll make or break his popularity;
- He took the time to not only commit the Pledge of Allegiance to memory but has studied it much more closely than most children his age would have done, recognizing that the ideals of this pledge are NOT being honored in our country today;
- Will is of the opinion (and a growing majority agree) that a disparity exists between the Pledge’s promise of “liberty and justice for all” and the government’s inconsistent application of the message with regard to marriage rights. He takes exception to how opposite-sex couples are allowed to marry while same-sex couples are unable to enjoy those same identical rights, privileges and benefits;
- He sees this as being unfair and in order to express quiet dissent he is refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance until such time as the inequities have been addressed;
- Will is clearly an authentic young boy, unwilling to sacrifice his integrity by reciting a Pledge that by his findings is not honored and applied consistently within the borders of this great nation; so
- Kudos to the boy for being consistent; he has taken this action every morning and refuses to give in to peer pressure or even the wishes of those adults within his school who would like him to quit exercising his First Amendment right;
- As for the substitute teacher(?), well, it’s true he became frustrated and when pressed on the issue was then heard to respond, “Mam, with all due respect, you can go jump off a bridge.” (spoken solemnly and with malice) I know that I shouldn’t but I’m compelled to laugh while visualizing the look on this teacher’s face as he said that. I mean, he chose his words very carefully and we all have our trigger points. My own grandmother, a very kind and hugely devout (religious) woman lost her temper once while having dinner with members of our family in a restaurant. As the family were all leaving the restaurant, Granny Mary stopped at the door, turned around and was heard to say to the waitress, “Mam, you may kindly step to hell.” ROFLMAO! (Such a statement would have been very out of character inasmuch as Granny Mary was concerned.)
There are just as likely any number of other reasons for which we might applaud Will Phillips but this list will do for starters.
In closing, with values such as those Will Phillips has demonstrated to date, I’m hopeful he not only DOES follow through and get his law degree but trust that he might develop an interest in politics as well. This country needs more “Will Phillips” in the world; persons who are able and willing to stand up for what they believe.
- SNAFU-ed “Ten-year-old Won’t Recite Pledge Until Gays Can Marry”
- Arkansas Times “A boy and his flag (Why Will won’t pledge)”
- Queerty “10-Year-Old Will Phillips, Bigger Gay Rights Hero Than Obama”
- the raw story “Ten-year-old refuses to recite pledge until…”
- PeterDavid.net “Will Phillips: Patriot” (A damn fine blog)
- Huffington Post “Will Phillips, 10-Year-Old, Won’t Pledge Allegiance To A Country That Discriminates Against Gays”
Someone asks, “What is love like after five years?” I am probably the last person in the world who needs to respond to this question as the only long-term relationship I had (lasting 6.5 years) was abusive, both mentally and emotionally.
But I’ll take a stab at responding AND more importantly I’m hopeful others reading might throw their own two-cents into the ring.
So, here goes…
When we first meet someone we’re attracted to and begin to form the bonds of a relationship, we’re “in love.” We can’t help ourselves; every moment of every day seems to be littered with thoughts of what our BF (or GF if that’s your thing) might be doing. Is he thinking of us, as we’re thinking of him? We imagine he is… And when the two of you reunite at the end of the day you cannot wait to get your arms around one another. You generally end up in the bedroom (if you’re lucky enough to make it THAT far!) You’re “in love” and everything else in the world takes a back seat to what you are feeling when the two of you are together.
Then the newness of the relationship wears off and you’re exhausted from all of those hours of non-stop bunny-sex. The idea of saying, “Not tonight, babe, I have a headache” begins to sound both inviting and reasonable. Worse still are all those little things he does in bed that annoy the hell out of you that you have been overlooking up until now. “Go brush your damn teeth, damnit!” ROFL!!
“OMG! I’ve turned into my [insert your choice of parent here]!
So where do you go from this point forward? Well, it’s natural for two people in love to experience the waning of those butterflies. It’s either time to take the relationship on to the next stage or seriously consider whether an attraction is still there. Assuming you still feel some level of attraction for your partner and you still love one another, stick it out. After all, now you have the added benefit of functioning without behaving like a total dork. (And this makes it SO MUCH EASIER to be around, from the perspective of your friends who have wanted to run to the bathroom and puke every time “you and yours” were acting all giddy and couldn’t keep your hands off one another in the past!!) *kidding* LOL
I think it’s just natural that your reaction “to” and “around” one another evolves somewhat over time. You STILL love one another and you’re still in love with this person, but you’ve talked about and done enough with one another that the “newness” has worn off. Congratulations, you’re ready for the next step or challenge. Consider this, “In the process of discovering one another previously, did you uncover enough “treasure” (and no, I’m not talking about his dick size) to keep you interested for the next 50+ years of your life? More importantly, do you still love this person enough to SHARE the intimate details of your life with him or her for the next 50+ years?”
If you answered, “yes” – great (and It’s not as if you won’t ever share another one of those “Giddy” moments with your partner — you will, they’re just likely to be fewer and farther between).
If the answer was “no” then it’s time to be brutally honest and fair to both yourself and to your partner. It may be time to close the door and just be friends so that the both of you are open and available to the right person when he (or she) does come along. Don’t string your BF along if the attraction isn’t there anymore; doing so isn’t fair to either of you.
(And for what it’s worth… “Attraction” isn’t always about how narrow the waistline of your partner is, or the awesome look of his pecs in a “T” … or even that fantabulous washboard stomach. Those are all great and wonderful but if you don’t feel a “connection” to him because of who he is on the inside you’re going to miss out on the best that life has to offer. The same is true of yourself; staying in shape is necessary to live a long and healthy life but if you don’t consistently work on improving and expanding who you are on the inside, you’re going to miss out. You will get bored and when that happens, it opens up the realm of opportunity that the guy or gal you’re with may be become bored as well. I just think this is well worth mentioning for all to consider – EVEN myself.)
So you answered, “Yes, I still love this person enough to share the intimate details of my life with for the next fifty or sixty years. Where do I go from here?“
Spice it up! You’re questioning the relationship because the “Zing!” isn’t there anymore! You LOVE him but all the butterflies flew away, seemingly never to be seen or heard from again (but that doesn’t have to be the case).
Maybe the two of you have just gotten into a rut and it’s time to pull out some of the stops and liven your sex life up a bit. Set some boundaries but ask your partner about some of the things he may have fantasized about in the past. Risk it and tell him about some of your own [fantasies] as well and don’t stop there. Try to figure out how the both of you might make one another’s fantasies … a reality.
The sex aside (after all, physical attraction is one thing; so too, the sex but…)
In closing, live your life with integrity by staying true to yourself and the goals/dreams you’ve personally set. If the relationship you’re in is healthy and you’re still in love with the person, you’ll factor in how the decisions you make, may affect your partner and his future happiness as well. If they do (factor in his happiness), that’s a pretty good clue the love you both share is still very much alive and well; you’ve just taken your relationship to another stage is all.
This is just my take on love and as stated from the very beginning, my success rate inasmuch as love and lasting relationships is concerned is TERRIBLE. :(
Take from this journal entry what you will and please feel free to comment and share your own ideas on healthy relationships and love. My guess is there are as many different variations on what makes for a healthy, happy relationship as there are people in the world. I’d be interested in hearing what you might think.
- break the illusion.com (Davey Wavey asks “What is love like after five years?” Click on the above link to read what others have said — and I also encourage you to follow Davey’s blog. He appears to be a loving, young man and he writes from the heart.)
Monday, February 8, 2010
A courageous young man died Friday at the all-too-early age of twenty-one. Brendan Burke, son to the Toronto Maple Leafs general manager Brian Burke, along with his close friend (Mark A. Reedy, 18) died when the vehicle they were travelling in spun out of control due to weather conditions along a snow-covered US Route 35 (Wayne County, IN).
In some respects, young Brendan is seen as a pioneer for GLBTQ acceptance within the NHL. He was likeable, made friends easily and was comfortable enough within his own skin to come out; not only to his family, but also to the Miami University (Ohio) hockey team as their student manager. Everyone responded well to Brendan, looking past his sexual orientation and seeing him for the truly remarkable young man that he was (just as it should be).
Brendan spoke openly about his sexual orientation, hoping to help address homophobia within the sport of hockey. One of the catalysts for his decision to speak out came after he read an article in USA Today by former pro player Justin Bourne.
The elder Burke, Brian, loved and admired his son. He acknowledges the guts that it took for Brendan to come out and in support of his son, he marched with Brendan in the Toronto Pride Parade.
Brian Burke is quoted as having said, “There are gay men in professional hockey. We would be fools to think otherwise. And it’s sad they feel the need to conceal this.” When it comes to integrity, I’m compelled to say, “Like father, like son!” One can only imagine the pain that is now being felt by the families left behind by these two remarkable young men, Brendan Burke and Mark A. Reedy.
May God bless and keep you, Brendan and Mark… and in turn bless your families.
- TSN with Brian and Brendan Burke on coming out (YouTube)
- We love you, this won’t change a thing –Brian Burke, ESPN.com
- Brendan Burke raised awareness by coming out as young, gay athlete; dead at 21 (boston.com)
- Tributess flow in for Brendaan (The Globe and Mail)
- Justin Bourne on Brendan Burke’s untimely death
- Two teams united in grief (The Globe and Mail)
- True advocates hard to find (The Globe and Mail)
- Leafs devastated by death of GM’s son (The Globe and Mail)
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friends who've followed my blogs in the past know this blog is only really used as a backup because of the limited ability to include some of the media and widgets that I sometimes like to include.
(Basically, this site is used when my primary blog is down.) That has unfortunately been the case since around November of last year but because of the holidays, unemployment and a myriad of personal issues that have precluded me from addressing the issue and/or really even focusing on writing.. well, it just hasn't been resolved until recently.
As some of you may be aware, old blog was parked on www.n1spirit.com (my old personal web site).
That site is no longer up and running because the service provider (Hostonce.com) failed to notify me of a problem with my billing information in time to prevent service interruption. Give the numerous other issues I had with the service levels provided by Hostonce, I decided not to renew and instead open an account with GoDaddy.com (which I've been happy with thus far).
The name of my new web site is http://quipsnquills.com and my PRIMARY blog is up and running there.
For those who may be wondering "why two blogs, a primary and a backup?" here is my answer. The primary blog allows me more control over formatting and the overall look. I am also able to include widgets and media that is sometimes simply impossible here on blogspot. This is a great place to park a backup site but either I haven't mastered its intricacies yet (which is a given in my opinion) or it just isn't possible to do everything I'd like to do here.
The upside to blogspot is that I expect the domain to be around for a long time to come and were I to pass on unexpectedly, at least I can rest easy that my presence HERE will likely survive long after my the contract for my primary site is expired and it no longer is available to the public.
Anyway, the new PRIMARY BLOG includes all but a few [blog] entries that I'd not backed up in time late last year. It may be accessed at the following address:
I hope that you will follow me on "Quips and Quills" and offer my apologies to anyone who has been missing me. Just know that we are now back up and running in full force. Do enjoy the ride!
Unlike one of my younger friends (who is also gay), I tend to write about gay topics more often --- or at least make comparisons to how I, as a gay middle-aged man, might feel about something from the perspective of my being gay. <shrugs> Meh! Sometimes, it's just all in fun ... like today's blog entry.
Althought some of the "reasons" identified in this entry may seem 'spot-on' with others who are gay, it is an attempt at humor. Nothing more, nothing less...
The Ten Best things about being gay Are:
- No unexpected pregnancies.
- I get to set my own rules; nobody expects me to meet their (str8) expectations anymore. I don’t have to get married, settle down, raise kids, take on a mortgage – unless I want to.
- It has taught me to think for myself and be independent from others’ opinions. I don’t walk around with my finger in their noses, why should I walk around with my head in their opinions?
- It’s easier to save money: no wife, no kids, no school payments, etc.
- Since I am not tied down with family obligations, I have more time to travel, to study, to be with people I want to be with, to learn what I want to learn.
- I can be *friends* with members of the opposite sex, without the added pressure of being expected make it a sexual relationship.
- That once you come out, you discover who your true friends were in the first place, and those who were just playing along.
- It has taught me never to judge a book by its cover, and never to believe in stereotypes.
- After I came out, I realized that being gay was not my problem, and it never was – it was other people’s problem all that time – and it’s all in their narrow-minded heads.
- Being able to look at hot guys and just enjoy looking. My str8 male friends can’t do that (or at least, they won’t admit it!).
Feel free to add your own to the list! LOL.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
This blog entry is dedicated to a much younger friend (he turns 22 on April 26th of this year), Michael. I could never say enough about this young man; what he has gone through and how tremendously well he has responded to his own demons. His life has not been an easy one but if you will take the time to share in his journey, by following the blogs he will (in time) share with his readers you will benefit greatly...
— Loving regards,
(First off, I want you to be certain to allow David, your other loving half, to read what I am about to say. If you will do this I'm confident he will reiterate, telling you that everything I've given you credit for here is well-deserved!)
You've shared enough since we became friends, for me to understand just why you feel as you do about MySpace… Furthermore, anyone who "knows you" who is unwilling to give you the benefit of the doubt and understand that you have had good reasons for your actions, does not deserve your friendship. (I am, of course talking about your priorities of recent which have resulted in your not being able to spend as much time staying in touch with your Internet friends. IF they are friends, they will understand.)
I'm hopeful you will find a way to integrate your journal entries here now that you have established an Internet presence; entries I am convinced have the power to benefit many!!!
As for litigation and the possibility your online activities will be monitored, I don't know what to say besides, "Fuck them!"
I know that such language is quite unlike me (when you and I are exchanging messages anyway) but given what you have shared and knowing you as I do it seems quite unfair that such a loving child of God has to endure this b.s. all these long years later. It angers me to the point that I want to put my fist through a wall — or through the faces of those who have caused you all of this stress.
Okay, enough about that… Those bastards don't deserve the additional attention so instead let me proceed by saying:
You know that I care about you like a much-younger brother—not because of what is on the outside but because of the beauty that is found deep within. I find it humorous you would warn others to "hang on because it's going to be a 'rough' ride." Simply put, nothing about you is "rough." It will assuredly be a "bumpy" ride, however with both highs and lows as you share your thoughts on different subject matters and [especially] as you share with others those experiences that have helped to mold you into the loving young man you are today. That is part of your charm, Mikey; your ability to get real, to get serious and to say what you think in such a way as to provoke real thought from those who are blessed to enjoy your company.
You are reserved with your oratory affections (I understand) but I offer this observation for those who (1) take the time to read the introduction that appears at the top of your blog, and (2) are prepared to follow your blog. That observation would be:
"Michael is a loving, grounded soul that does not suffer fools lightly (despite playful metaphors). Should you make the decision to follow his blog, know that he is a young man but he is an "old soul." He is compassionate, giving and forgiving to a fault. If you take the time to visit his blog regularly, as entries are published, you will be blessed to hear from a man who speaks from his heart. What he shares with his readers is honesty; a frankness that is expressed with a voice that is both unique and beautiful ("Mikey" is exceptional at drawing his reader in, in such a way s/he is both entertained AND educated!). In short, the time you spend reading Michael's blog will be rewarded many times over by the "Love" he has to share with his readers."
You blushing yet, Michael?! ROFL!!! For those reading, Mikey does not always know how to take heartfelt compliments. I hear that he blushes easily and unmercifully! (and it gives me great pleasure sometimes to give him cause to do so). :p
But seriously, you deserve every word of what I've written and just know that I'm thrilled that David will be able to spend the four months with you in Bali (though I'm not quite certain Bali is PREPARED for what is about to be unleashed upon them)! LOL. *facepalm*
In closing, let me [again] just say that I love ya, buddy. At such a young age you are an inspiration for myself and for others. You certainly should not have had to suffer the disrespect you have endured but your drive to persevere and survive in the face of such struggles, and to do so with honor and in such a way that you are capable of freely giving of yourself and your time; these are things which I admire and love you for. I know that you have often said that you are the lucky one, for having David in your life. Let me say (and he will agree) that David is a very fortunate young man to have you in his life — and as I have always said, your mother and the rest of your family are very special in my eyes as well. My heart goes out to each of them in turn.
Hugs, love and all my best to you as you continue along your journey.
Michael in Dallas ;-)
For those wishing to follow Michael's blog (which is titled "Let Me Tell You What I Think"), please follow the link provided below.
His blog presence on the Internet is fairly new so please give him the time necessary to upload whatever entries he already has prepared, as well as blogs about current events in his life. But if you will be patient and wait for the work, you will NOT be disappointed! He's a master story-teller (and by that I only mean to suggest he can take a subject and write about it in such a way that even the dullest of topics can be interesting). Yes, perhaps I am biased. Is that really a bad thing? LOL
If you take the time to follow him I think you will find that everything I've said about Michael is true.